You could (not) love me

The first poems I ever wrote were about you
As I sat in my room, thinking,
How you chose to hold out your hand for her
Under that beautiful linden tree.

Somehow, I trusted that smile
So, I let you trample my soul
And that first slap broke my heart
More than your words ever did.

You were never mine, to begin with
And I never hoped that you would be.
You were selfish and I was too young
To know the „I love you” was finite.

I still remember your eyes shining
And that last look you gave me; how you
Refused to say „I love you”,
And choose „Good Bye” instead.

There was peace in your eyes
And that’s what I loved about you.
What you rejected about me was my past
And my family. And it hurt.

I heard your voice and your prayers
And that Christmas under the frozen sky
Was breathtaking. You let go not because
Of prayers or song, but I understood.

Most precious was your heart to me
Precious our love and bond & trust
I know you loved me till the end
As I know I still do.

It felt a lot like a hurricane
And I was in the eye of the storm
A storm that hurt and drew blood
And you could not love me.

I dared to fly with you, at last
And spread my wings and trust.
I had hopes and I had dreams for us, but
You dared not love me.

Photo by Jack B on Unsplash